The Infamous Toys-R-Us Letters

There's also a synopsis available.

Out of the blue! [Scans: page 1 ( 46K gif), page 2 ( 56K gif), page 3 ( 43K gif)]: This arrived DHL overnight mail. I thought it was a joke. It's pretty funny, but it's not a joke.
An incredulous reply [Scan: 1 page ( 13K gif)]: I politely explained how absurd the situations was.
Lightning strikes twice [Scan: 1 page ( 25K gif)]: More DHL rushing about, with a less friendly tone.
A happy ending? [Scan: 1 page ( 14K gif)]: In which I propose a happy ending for everyone.
A slap to the head [Scan: page 1 ( 46K gif), page 2 ( 28K gif)]: Toys-R-Us is not a friendly giraffe.
They think they won [Scan: 1 page ( 79K gif)]: Niggling details they had neglected to mention.

So what will my response be? Well, they declared war, not me. I'm a firm believer in mo' better weapons, so I've started a contest, and you can respond, too!

I Slap Back: I point out that they are being absurd, and demand responses to all the points I've made (which they have ignored), and go on to demand that they show why their demands are not absurd.

I tried to contact them to warn them of the contest, but they refused to return my (at least 6) phone calls over 3 days. They got ugly and tried to get my (former) provider to cut me off without notice (can you say "inducement to breach contract"? I knew you could...):

(Text version soon)

(This scaning job wasn't ours; it came to us by email.) After John and the crew at Zilker had a good laugh, John passed the above fax to RRU's new provider, Schober O'Neal, Inc, whose board decided to wait and see whether TRU had the gall to contact them before deciding whether to censure TRU or just roll on the floor laughing.

This was also an assault on the entire Internet (just think if someone threatened to sue your phone company, or closed them down, because someone else used the phone system to say something you didn't like!) So I notified the media, and the rest (various Internet news agencies, Austin-American Statesman, KLBJ, WNBC-TV, Denison Herald, Houston Chronicle, CNN Headline News) is history. It was also at this point I officially called for a boycott.

Will they settle peacefully, or continue shooting their hooves off? Time will tell.

Last updated: 25 October 2001

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