Very Bury Jerry

Poor Jerry's dead and gone
Left us here to play this song
Painted microbus with the music on
Poor Jerry's dead and gone...

OOPS! So sorry. That was the Doors, not the Dead.

Anyway, when I first heard the news, I have to admit, my first reaction was, ``So, is he grateful now?''

Yes, I've been considered crass where death is concerned. But that's one thing I'm not. I hate death, and I know the pain of losing someone you care about. But that doesn't mean that I lose my sense of humor, or speculate about one's reaction to the afterlife.

If the above idea offends you, leave now. You have been warned!

[ Haikus ] [ Commemorative Stamps ] [ DeadHeads ]

Haikus

Bury poor Jerry
In expensive tie died tie,
One with maggots now.

Nixon he wasn't,
But they've something in common now -
Soon they'll both smell bad.

Sheriff caught up and
Took his acid, music died
from way too much base.

What will the Deadheads
Do with their dead head? Something
illegal - what's new?

Are you in the ground
or have you met your Maker?
Are you grateful now?

Commemorative Stamps

I wrote this on Monday, 14 Aug 1995, shortly after Jerry's death. I posted it to alt.music.gdead, and got some truly nasty reactions. I think Jerry would have laughed, but some of his disciples didn't.

Now that Jerry's dead, the US Post Office plans to issue a series of commemorative stamps in denominations of 32, 50, and 100 micrograms.

A special 1000 microgram airmail stamp may be printed if there's sufficient demand.

More news:

The U.S. Postal Service has announced that they are considering two stamp designs: a "young" Jerry (thinner, dark hair, intensely vacant eyes, homemade tye-dye, beans-and-acid diet, living in a tour bus hand-painted by the group and some fans), and an "older" Jerry (potatoe-shaped, gray hair, vacant eyes, mass-produced, mass- marketed, corporate-approved tie, meals prepared by a private chef-and-anti-acid diet, living in a megabucks mansion and a snotty, yuppie car car with a tourplane hand-painted by a very expensive, record-label-approved artist).

Only one design will be selected; fans may vote via approved forms at the Post Office (look for the sexy skeleton), by making up their own form, by sending their own ideas, by sending in old Dead album covers, by sending large bribes, or pretty much any other way they wish. No animal carcasses, rotten fruit, insects, or autographed body parts, please.

InterDeadHeads may use the form provided on

   http://www.usps.gov/

or by sending email to:

   jerry-kid@email.usps.gov (for the young Jerry)

or

   jerry-oldfart@email.usps.gov (for the old Jerry)

or

   wow-man@email.usps.gov (for anything else)

or by USPS to the address provided on the forms at your local Post Office (at press release time they couldn't find the address).

DeadHeads

The following exchange showed up in a mailing list run by a not{ed,orious} net.personality. I supplied the historical perspective.

XXXXX XXXXXX wrote:
>      What are all of the dead-followers going to do now?
>Where are they to go?  Have you people no sympathy nor remorse?
>Take them into your homes, give them clothing, jobs, help them
>re-renter society.  What a mess...

It's been tried. In 1974, when the Bee Gees re-emerged from their sultry underground hive to snatch Top 40 Radio back from the jaws of Rock, when Disco Fever swept the USA (survivors: none known), humongous federal grants were awarded, primarily by the grace of Ted "Kiss my Insufficiently Bouyant Auto" Kennedy, to a handful of homes in the USA for just this purpose. Clothing, shelter, vehicles, food, jobs and loving families were provided.

All of the participating Deadheads died. Of shock. Within a week. The program was defunded, and Ted Kennedy was laughed at on Nightline.

Not that any of this implies failure, mind you.

Last updated: 23 May 1997

Copyright 1997 Miles O'Neal, Austin, TX. All rights reserved.

Miles O'Neal <roadkills.r.us@XYZZY.gmail.com> [remove the "XYZZY." to make things work!] c/o RNN / 1705 Oak Forest Dr / Round Rock, TX / 78681-1514