Obituary: Gypsy

(SF - UPS) Dozens turned out to mourn net.personality and musician Meredith Tanner today. Six union stagehands clad in jeans, sneakers and Billy & the Boinger World Tour tees carried the green sunburst, mahogany & ebony coffin to its final destination.

Meredith (known to smrtz friends as gypsy) lurched to the bier in style, the coffin replete with mother of pearl Schaller handles, gold plated Badass hinges, and Gibson humbucking locks.

The entourage looked on silently as the casket was lowered carefully onto the pile of gasoline-soaked Les Pauls. A flash pot set the pyre ablaze, and shortly there remained only a smouldering reminder of this once great flamer, while a dry ice fog swirled slowly to extinguish the fire.

Tanner is survived by smrtz cats, Les, Paul, Sam, and Phillips. Police are still looking for the "short, tepid, geeky looking guy in an AI tee shirt" who may have been the last person to see Tanner alive.

According to gypsy's wishes, smrtz remaining effects were auctioned off to spectators, and the proceeds sent to the Dave Mack Internet Introduction fund.

Tanner's ashes were buried next to "all that was left of Yong-mi after the dreaded Mindbender debacle."

Miles O'Neal, who walked away with most of the effects, was interviewed.

"I know how this must feel..."
"What?"
"Well, gypsy's death, and subsequent immolation."
"I didn't really know gypsy. I mean, apart from teeDOTbee on the net."
"What?"
"Hmmm. The NII. The infobahn. You know."
"Oh, you were e-lovers?"
[nearly hysterical laughter] "Not, um, exactly."
"So, you got all this equipment. The wah wah, the reverb, and so forth. I guess you'll cherish it?"
"Yeah. It's not often you get this kind of gear at these prices."

Two shining beings appeared, and gypsy linked appendages with them. They sort of teleported to a city made entirely of music stores, all with signs proclaiming everything inside as free. Heaven!

Gypsy leapt into the first. Tambourines only. Darted into the next. Ukeleles. The next. Accordions. Clarinets. Bongos. Eventually gypsy reached Le Avenue de Guitars. The first shop had nothing but Fenders. The next, Hagstroms. The next, more Fenders. The next, Silvertones. Finally, a Gibson shop!

Permanently out of stock.

Like the noonday sun bursting into a serious hangover wakeup, it hit gypsy.

This was not heaven.

Last updated: 11 Jul 1994

Copyright 1994 Miles O'Neal, Austin, TX. All rights reserved.

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