Gone Fission

Part 1

(an excersize in absurdity and voice)

                             - I -

So, Junior [1] walks into the room and says, "look, dad!"

And I [2] say, "that's pretty neat, son, how'd you get glowing marsh gas to stay in your hand?"

"It's not marsh gas, dad, it's cold fizzion!"

"Son, you mean cold FUSION. Glad that chemistry set came with heavy water."

"No, dad, I mean FIZZion. At room temperature. All it took was fizzies (tm) and Plutonium. The hydrogen given off is so hot it tries to fuse in a big ball, which implodes the remaining stuff inside even more, and it fizzes even better than fizzies (tm) in water!"

I notice that my hair is falling out and the walls are melting. Deep down inside, I feel bones disintegrating. My skin is falling to the floor in strangely colored chunks. Too late to run, now. "So, guy, how come this isn't bothering you?"

"Oh, no, dad, I meant to throw this lead gown to you before I came around the corner! I got on my heavy-metal Underoos (tm)!"

"That's ok, kid. Now, go show your mom (remember that gown!) and have her call our lawyer before you show anybody else. See you at the Judgement!" Everything fades to dark, then to light, and I'm not allowed to write any more about it here.

--

[1] imagine a short, 7-year old cross between Arnold Schwartznegger, PeeWee Herman, Gene Simmons, me, gypsy, and the Fat Woman at the circus.

[2] imagine a fat, 37-year old cross between Arnold Schwartznegger, PeeWee Herman, Gene Simmons, Junior, gypsy, and the Fat Woman at the circus.

                             - J -

(Austin, AP 5/21/89) Today, Texas at last excersized its option to secede from the USA. Nobody in the Republic of Texas will tell us just what has happened, but the fact that they have offered to supply all the USA's energy needs for $3,000,000,000 / year leads some to speculate that someone has discovered a new oil deposit. The former governor of the State of Texas, and now the President of the Republic of Texas, has made similar offers to most nations, with some strings attached. The US, for instance, is asked to lend various military support in case of attack. Israel is asked to cease fighting Palestinians and vice versa. Certain South American countries are requested to send heads from their dictators.

Other than Egypt and Kuwait, the oil-bearing mideastern countries have been ignored by Texas. Exxon was sold to the highest bidder, Pittsburgh Scrap Steel Reclamation, for $.10 on the pound. The other oil companies are lobbying Congress to halt this "foreign" energy importing, while filing for Chapter 11 reorganization. Officers in most of the nation's electrical utilities are committing suicide and absconding with company planes at an incredible rate.

                             - K -

(Washington, UPI 7/4/90) While most of the world blindly enjoys the cheap, abundant energy from Texas, many of Texas' western neighbors have been forced to evacuate their land. The westerly breeze that passes over Houston, source of the great nightime glow (of which the Republic of Texas will say nothing) is killing livestock and people in record numbers. Mutant yucca have taken over much of southern New Mexico. Scientists record major radioactive substance levels in the wind.

                             - L -

(your arrival at home, 7/9/90 7:10 PM local time)

You walk into your front door and flip on the overhead fan. Nothing happens. You assume it is the breaker, as flipping the switch a few times does no good. Stepping into the hall, you flip on the light switch, and again nothing happens.

After a few seconds of contemplation, you are sure the electric bill has been paid. You walk back to the front porch, and realize that in the last few seconds, all the air conditioners have gotten quiet. The electric vehicles charging in the Davis' yard across the street have no charge indicator lights lit. The only sounds are a few petrofuel vehicles droning nearby.

Thinking hard, you recall no forecast of a power distribution worker's strike. Looking into the distance, you realize that the perpetually lit sign on top of the tallest building in town is out. For no reason you can pin down, a feeling of dread steals over you. You wonder if Texas has gotten wind of something dirty in Congress and grabbed the USA by the throat. You smile to yourself and think the US could use a good shaking, especially if Congress gets ousted over it.

                             - M -

(New Orleans, AP 7/10/90) National Guardsmen in radiation-proof suits continue to guard the border between the USA and what was the Republic of Texas. No survivors are known to exist in that highly radioactive hell, other than an unconscious child in heavy-metal Underoos, who staggered out yesterday. The mysterious glow in the night has dulled to a flickering red suspected to be fires. NASA satellites continue to show only a giant hot spot twice the size of the former city of Houston. Everything in the USA to the west of Texas is now empty, and the winged yucca are being shot on site by the National Guard. Several of the mutant plants have carried off cars, children, and even a small A&W stand in Albequerque.

The only words spoken by the mystery child before collapsing into a coma were, "I TOLD them cherry Fizzies, not root beer". These are assumed to be merely the ramblings of a child near death. The child, age 8, has been identified as Fred Finkelstein, Jr, who moved with his mother and an entire law firm to Houston just days before Texas' secession. Most readers are aware of the Finkelstein family's sudden wealth which was never explained publicly. Every bank in the nation is being checked for legal documents such as wills related to the Finkelstein family, but it is feared that all such documents were kept only in Houston.

The air force is preparing to bomb the San Andreas fault to free what is left of California to drift out to sea, perhaps saving some of Oakland and Berkeley.

Libya is reportedly offering to sell us oil at the "bargain price" of $3,000 per barrel. The CIA is reportedly considering an assault on the mideast. The president, surrounded by bodyguards and "no comments", has retired to Camp David with his advisors.

Last updated: 7 May 1994

Copyright 1989, 1994 Miles O'Neal, Austin, TX. All rights reserved.

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