California At a Glance

by Miles O'Neal, Jetlag, Ltd.

I have traveled moderately in California - enough to have a pretty good idea about a few small parts of it and speculate wildly about the rest of it.

California at a Glance

Capital:                           Fremont?  Lost Angeles?  San XXX?
Size:                              large for a state, small for a country
Population:                        About the same
Home of last communists on planet: Yes
Nickname:                          The Far Out, Groovy State
Major Industries:                  crystals, drugs, annoying tourists, unions,
                                   weird laws, fruits and nuts
Incredibly Minor Industries:       entertainment, avocados
Educational Ranking:               A solid B on a scale of 3 to 7

California (the Hipper Than Thou State)

California:

may one day fall into the sea, or so the rest of North America hopes.
has a larger Mexican population than Mexico.
is even happier about their Mexican population than Texas is about theirs.
has awesome beaches.
sports the Shrine of the Hairy Virgin Avocado.
is the spawning grounds of
Ronald Reagan.
plenty of other famous people, I'm sure.
most of the movie flops of the century.
rapidly becoming part of Japan, Inc.
boasts the surliest union workers outside Chicago.
has the world's best redwood forests.
has more crystals per capita than any other state.
has laws so bizarre they scare the French.
is home to Silicon Valley, where the densities of money, egos and brains are so great that they threaten to form 3 black holes.
is home to the San Jose Police Department, apparently run by the ghosts of Jimmy Hoffa and former [Chicago] Mayor Daley.

Last updated: 16 July 1997

Miles O'Neal <roadkills.r.us@XYZZY.gmail.com> [remove the "XYZZY." to make things work!] c/o RNN / 1705 Oak Forest Dr / Round Rock, TX / 78681-1514