Roadkills-R-Us

Payment Schedule

All prices per carcass unless otherwise noted. Partial carcasses will be pro-rated based on completeness. A premium is paid for up to 3 days bloat, at 10%/day. Roadkill over 3 days old will not be accepted except by prior, written agreement, with price set at contract time. Where the pelt is valuable, this is included in the price. Animals of less than the age of accountability will be pro-rated down according to size.

Pricing is based on usability, availability, desirability, importance of extermination to society, etc.

Last updated: 19:05:28.941254264 -0500

ClassificationPrice
A
Aardvark$2.50
Alligator$1 - $9
Ant$.10/gross
Armadillo$1.25
B
Badger$.97 - $1.49
Bat, fruit$.25
Bat, generic$.10
Bat, vampire$.40
Bat, wom$2 - $3
BATF member, Kluless, Waco/BD involvement$100,000
BATF director, Kluless, Waco/BD involvement$1,000,000
Beaver$2.30 - $4.10
Bureaucrat, local$5/lb
Bureaucrat, state$10/lb
Bureaucrat, federal$25/lb
C
Cane Toad$.10 / dozen (Australia)
Cane Toad$10 / dozen (elsewhere)
Cat, small, short hair$.30
Cat, small, long hair$.40
Cat, medium (ie, ocelot, panther)$2 - $5
Cat, large (ie, lion, tiger)$10 - $20
Cat, in Hat$99
Catfish, walking$.99
Chicken Lips$.015/lip
Chicken, std$.33
Chicken, XL$333.33
Clinton, White House, adult, male or female$1,000,000/lb
Clinton, White House, Chelsea[1] $.02
Clinton, brother, goofus, Roger$37.50
Clinton, Socks$1000/lb
Communists [1]$3 - $17
Cow$7 - $15
Coyote$2 - $5
Cricket, Common$.20 / gross
Cricket, Endangered$20 / gross
Cricket, Jiminy$20
Crocodile$1 - $9
D
Dawg, UGa, obnoxious$100
Dawg, UGa, other[1]
Deer, small$3 - $7.50
Deer, large$8 - $13
Deer, rein$2.50
Deer, rein, red nose$200
Dinosaur, purple, sucrose-laden$2,000,000,000
Dinosaur, other (large)$1,000,000
Dinosaur, other (medium)$100,000
Dinosaur, other (small)$10,000
Dog, small, short hair$.35
Dog, small, long hair$.45
Dog, small, yappy$40.00
Dog, medium, short hair$2 - $6
Dog, medium, long hair$5 - $9
Dog, large (incl. wolf)$10 - $17
Drunk Driver$5,000
E
Elephant, generic$25 - $100
Elephant, Babar or Tantor$300
Elk$3.50 - $12
F
Ferret$1 - $2
Fish, flying$1.73
Fish, Mermaid, Little$173
Flamingo, Pink$7
Flamingo, Pink, Plastic$8 [3]
Fox$2.50 - $3
Foxbat, Russian$10,000,000
Frog$.25 - $1
G
Gates, William$Name-your-price
Giraffe $236.74/linear neck inch
Gnu$11
GNU fanatic$27
Goat$1 - $3
Gopher$.22 - $.223FMJ
H
Hawg$.25 / pound, or going rate for iron
Hedgehog$5 - $9
Hog$15 - $25
Horse$7 - $25
I
Iguana$.25 - $4
J
Jackass, animal$3 - $9
Jackass, human$12 - $40
Jackass, political$1,000
Jobs, Steve$Whatever-Bill-Gates-goes-for / 2
K
Kanga$25
Kimodo dragon$75 - $125
Kiwi$4 - $10
Koala$5 - $20
Krill$.357/ton
L
Lawyer (TRU)TOP $$$ - CALL!!!
Lemur$12 - $25
Lizard$.25 - $9
Lizzard$50
M
Manatee$3 - $17
Marketeer$10/lb
Mole, Dirt$1.00
Mole, Rock$7.00
Mole, CIA/KGB/spook$25 - $75
Mole, White House[2]
Moose, ordinary$25 - $75
Moose, Capitalist$12
Moose, Mister$11
Mouse, Field$.10
Mouse, House$.15
Mouse, Mexican, Speedy$.25
Mouse, Mighty$.35
Mouse, Misc., Cartoon$1
Mouse, Mortimer$12
Mouse, One-Button$.0001
Mouse, PC, Serial$.00001
Mouse, Two-Button$.00015
Mouseketeer [1]$5
N
Newbie, t.b$25
Newbie, other$.25
Newt, cave$.10
Newt, cave, t.b$.01
Newt, Congressional$12.92/lb
Newt, other$.12
NeXt, any$100 [3]
O
Octopus$.07 - $33
Oldbie, t.b$.0001
Oldbie, other$.10
OpossumSee Possum.
Ox$4 - $12.50
P
Paramecium$.01/ton
Pig, basic, US$2 - $7
Pig, flying$200 - $700
Pig, miniature, any$.50 - $1
Possum[4]
Q
Quail$.11
R
Rabbit, Common$1
Rabbit, Jack$.50
Rabbit, Pesky$3.50
Rabbit, Roger$35.00
Rabbit, t.b$350
Rat, Common$1
Rat, FinkAsk Guido
Rat, Wharf$50
Reno, Janet$1,005/lb New, higher price!
Roaches$.03/lb
Roadrunner$10 - $11.70
Roo$3
S
Snake, cobra$5
Snake, copperhead$1
Snake, rattle$1
Snake, other$.10
SPAM$0.00
Squirrel, standard$.20
Squirrel, flying$.20
Squirrel, flying, Rockydeath penalty
Stoat$7
T
Tarantula$.10 - $.25
Thug, Jack-booted$100
Tortoise$3 - $42.50
Turtle$3 - $42.50
U
Unicorn$3,572.13
Uvulated splut$75
V
Valve, bi$.002 - $32
Volvo$20,000
W
Whale, exploded by DOT$.39/lb
Whale, other$3.90/lb
Weasel$10
Wolverine$7.50
X
X, Programmers, Avg$.10/doz
X, Programmers, Top Notch$75K/yr
Y
Yak$6.75 - $19
Yok$23
Z
Zebra$5 - $17

[1] Due to endangered species status, these may be worth more if sold live to a zoo.

[2] Don't even think about it - he's ours.

[3] We hates them, my precious, we HATES them!

[4] You'll be sorrryyy... [5] If you inadvertently run over a snail, or find a roadkill snail, please lovingly send the remains to the Vantuyls (Snails-R-Us). You should be able to get their address by emailing snail@inf.net .