From: reaper@rru.com (Grim R.)
Newsgroups: comp.newprod
Subject: death of founder, new product
Date: 28 Dec 1993 22:40:40 GMT
Organization: Roadkills-R-Us
Keywords: mmmm-mmmm good!

It is with great regret that Roadkills-R-Us announces the death of its founder and CEO, Miles O'Neal. O'Neal, who founded RRU in 1987, and oversaw its growth from basement to den, was, fittingly, run over in the RRU parking lot, by a speeding secretary who was late for work. The secretary's custom Suzuki Katana was doing an estimated 125 mph when, hitting a speed bump, it suddenly attained an altitude of approximately 5 feet, just right to decapitate O'Neal, who was walking to an outside storage building, to obtain the day's supply of commas for email and netnews.

In compliance with the stated purpose of RRU ("recycling as far up the food chain as possible") and, in concert with the wishes of the deceased's surviving family, RRU is honored to announce that a limited supply of MilesBurger (approx 200 lbs, we never found the head) will be parceled out to the stores currently carrying RRU products in their frozen food sections.

MilesBurger has only moderate fat content, no traces of whatever hormone causes guys to squander all their time on "professional sports", several substances unknown to any current science, no roach hairs or worm parts, moderate levels of asphalt, and absolutely no brain, eyeball, nose, mouth, or ear tissue. Look for it in an attractively packaged, purple box, tastefully covered with commas.

Roadkills-R-Us is an equal importunity employer. RRU does not incriminate because of race, creed, color, sex, religion, nationality, sexual preference, age, or the results of our mandatory drug, HIV, Muzak, and driving tests. All employees must carry a fully automatic weapon at all time while on duty. FFL provided.
Michelle Debinhex, Chairthing of the Board
Rte 1, Box 558 / Leander, TX / 78641-9413  [ USPS ] 
debinhex@rru.com                           [ arpa ]
biffnet!rru!debinhex                       [ uucp ]

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Copyright 1995-2001 Roadkills-R-Us, Austin, TX. All rights preserved, jellied, or jammed. All giraffe images based on an image courtesy of Philip Greenspun. Gratefully used with permission. Roadkills-R-Us and RRU are trademarks of Miles O'Neal <meo@rru.com>. Web space provided by Net Ads.