CONSUMER INFORMATIONThis page is to bring us in compliance with various federal standards, and hopefully avoid yet another Waco-style assault by the feds on our headquarters.
CONTENTSYou really don't want to know. Trust us. Just remember our motto: Recycling as far up the food chain as possible. If you're still curious, drop by for a tour. Either it will solve your curiosity once and for all, or you'll love it, in which case have we got a career for you!
We will tell you what it doesn't contain:
Contains no partially hydrogenated vegetable substances, aerosol propellants; processed cheese food substances; non-union grapes or lettuce; intentionally added, tobacco, strontium 90, or other known carcinogenic substances; computer chips; unsightly dandruff buildup; excess baggage; copyrighted code. Batteries not included.
Our Web Pages
Contains nothing even vaguely related to Micro$oft or its products, or derived from or built by, said alleged software components. No copyrighted, trademarked or patented code, data, characters. No EBCDIC. Nothing the RIAA, MPAA, or other ??AA can get excited about. Batteries not included.
No trees were cut down to produce these pages, or deliver them in electronic format to your browser, robot, spider, or whatever. Printed reproductions are not our fault. Tree huggers should look for someone else to sue. We're as green as last week's roadkill.
Contents may settle during shipping. In this happens, the image may appear squashed on your monitor; shake your monitor vigorously. If this continues to happen, you may need to consider another ISP with better suspension on their routers.
SAFETYAll of our products, from food substances to web pages, are prepared by allegedly trained, self-proclaimed professionals. Do not attempt to duplicate our efforts at home (or anywhere else), unless you are prepared to pull down the wrath of Toys-R-us (A Humor-Impaired Corporation[tm]) and people with small minds in general.
Use only as directed. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Do not stand on the top two rungs. Do not run with RRU products in your hands or mouth. Keep in a cool, dry place such as an abandoned cellar left over from the Underground Railroad but not yet on the National Historic Railroad Things that Aren't Really Railroad Things Registry (maintained by Tom Stewart, high tech cowboy and railroad buff).
All foods must be stored and prepared according to instructions on their packages. If packages or instructions are missing, place food carefully in the middle of a nearby road; we'll recycle it again. Never play with your food. Chew with your mouth closed. In the Americas, the fork goes in your right hand, in Europe it goes in the left. Elsewhere eat with chopsticks, fingers, or hunting knife as preferred. As expiration dates refer to the date the ``ingredients'' expired, and are supplied with 4 digits, all RRU products are Y2K (we always thought that was a zipper brand!) compliant.
Our Web Pages
Hold monitor 12 to 18 inches from face. Point arrow towards face. Press button to spray; release when satisfied.
Last updated: 13 July 2008
No Contest Alert!!!
Copyright 1999,2008 Roadkills-R-Us, Austin, TX. All rights preserved, jellied, or jammed.Miles O'Neal <firstname.lastname@example.org>
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