Roadkills-R-Us Brand Musical Instrument Cables

RRU is proud to unveil its latest line of products, Roadkills-R-Us brand musical instrument cables. Soon we will have a full line but for now we feature the absolute best, most innovative guitar cables available. Each cable is made for optimal use with one style of music, from only the best wire and insulating materials. To date we manufacture only high-impedance, unbalanced cables with 1/4" connectors (guitar, bass, keyboards, etc).

TypeMade from...
Jazzextremely clean components
Countrycomponents soaked in diesel fuel and beer
Rockdirtier components
Grungewire and jacket material that has laid for days in a pigsty
Death Metalroadkill

Witchdoctor Labs Cables

Beyond our standard grade (far surpassing others' premium grades) cables, we also offer the hitherto unknown (outside Africa) cables from Witchdoctor Labs.

These directional cables are so good they scare Eric Johnson. Ideally they should be assembled in outer space, but space shuttle costs are still prohibitive, so the witchdoctors have them assembled only during full lunar eclipses to avoid the effects of extraneous photons, and pick up the good vibes necessary to let these cables do their best.

Make sure to insert the plugs according to their directional labels! Failure will not only produce less optimal sound, but can cause electron backup. Much like sewer pipe backup in the home, this can result in crappy tone. It can also build up to the point of causing an electrical storm between your guitar and amp. (Lightning waiver included with every cable.)

To focus the harmonic energy of your playing, we embed a crystal in each connector. We examined all sorts of minerals and gems, and originally planned to offer a variety of stones (topaz and turquoise for the blues, amber for a brown sound, and so on) but after consulting with the Doctor of Tone (we can't mention his name, but his initials are E. J.) we decided to use very special salt crystals. These crystals, composed of one part sodium per one part chlorine, are hand-selected from one particular crystal mine whose location we cannot reveal, but trust us, they are the best available.

Black Cat Variable Inductance Cables

Superstitious players everywhere know the importance of not gigging under a ladder, in the middle of a busy street where a black cat is likely to cross, and so on. These players also know how vital Jimi's coiled cords were to his sound, and are despondent over the inability to capture this sound without such cords. Today, the only known source of new, coiled cords is Radio Shack, and their product, while affordable, is not up to vintage standards.

So, with the assistance of Witchdoctor Labs, RRU is proud to offer a line of coiled cables. These cables come in clockwise winding for the Northern hemisphere (NH), and counter-clockwise winding for the Southern hemisphere (SH). NH cables are hand-wound by Native American medicine men on secret reservations in Arizona and Oklahoma. SH cables are hand-wound by Aborigines deep in the heart of Australia. All cables are built during the hour after sunrise or the hour before sunset, to capture the tonal colors of nature.

You can, of course, use either cable in either hemisphere, but using cables whose natural winding is backwards for a given hemisphere will subtly affect the notes, infusing a sound not unlike a slight attack and decay reversal. This is best used as an effect rather than a constant sound, so many players will want to buy a standard, local cable and a reverse cable, with a switch box to add the reverse cable to their pedal board when desired.

The inductance is varied by stretching or relaxing the cable. At rest (fully compacted, the cable has maximum inductance, and adds a nice low end boost to your signal. As the cable is stretched, the inductance rolls off rapidly, gradually providing a thinner sound, and changing the signal phase as well. Moving around thus creates an effect best described as half wah, half phasor. Many people fail to realize how much Jimi Hendrix and Robin Trower relied on their cables, and mistakenly give the UniVibe sole credit for that spacey swoosh we all know and love.

Cables of Color

All our cable jackets come in a variety of colors: black, white, all primary and secondary colors, taupe, mauve, plaid and Rocky Road.

Cables the Trees Love to Hug

We use custom blends of de-oxygenated copper/gold wire, and natural jacket materials hand-woven by peasants in Guatemala and Peru. Connectors are made in Uruguay from the purest steel/silver alloys. No animals are killed in making our cables, and all plant materials are donated freely by the plants. A slight volume of fluorocarbons is generated as a by-product of one of the processes, but we bottle it up for later incineration in wildfires.


Cable 1 ft 3 ft 5 ft 10 ft 15 ft 20 ft 25 ft
RRU - Jazz $5 $8 $10 $19 $25 $30 $35
RRU - Country $6 $9 $11 $20 $26 $31 $36
RRU - Rock $6 $9 $11 $20 $26 $31 $36
RRU - Grunge $7 $10 $12 $21 $27 $32 $37
RRU - Death Metal $2 $4 $5 $9 $11 $13 $15
WL Directional $10 $30 $50 $100 $150 $200 $250
Black Cat NH $20 $60 $100 $200 $300 $400 $500
Black Cat SH
Prices in Australian dollars
$20 $60 $100 $200 $300 $400 $500

All prices are for pickup at RRU distribution centers. If you want them delivered, add 10% shipping and handling. You are responsible for paying appropriate sales and other taxes. Quantity discounts available. Custom configurations available on request.

CREDIT: I wish to thank the folks in alt.guitar.amps for their inspiration for this product line. All AGA and AX84 participants get an additional 25% discount during months containing a ``y''.
Last updated: 16 March 2007

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Copyright Y2K Roadkills-R-Us, Austin, TX. All rights preserved, jellied, or jammed.

Miles O'Neal <>

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